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(2 let it burn | ...and fade away)

[16 Feb 2007|12:00am]
Eek! I haven't posted here in a very long time. I'm not really sure what inspired me to even look at it again, but it's interesting to look back and read my past posts.

I haven't been up to much besides working full time, other than the occasional concert or burlesque show. And of course, hanging out with Daniel. He's my absolute favourite napping partner.

...and I believe that's all for now. Maybe I'll post again in 6 months, or possibly sooner. Who knows.


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(...and fade away)

[27 May 2006|11:19am]
Rawr!

(...and fade away)

[23 Mar 2006|11:45pm]
Julia, who is by far my most favourite lesbian, posted this in her journal and I had to swipe it. I think it's the funniest fucking thing I've read in awhile.

**********

Dear President Bush:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this law applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

Mr. Bush, I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

**********

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(3 let it burn | ...and fade away)

[17 Mar 2006|07:38pm]
The trip to Gatlinburg went pretty well, all things considered. I've racked up a nice credit card bill, but it was worth it. The only downside that I've really noticed is that I miss Daniel all the time. I got really attached to having him around all the time... having someone to wake up next to and whatnot. It was really nice, so of course sleeping alone sucks. I took a lot of great pictures, and I think Daniel is getting into it, too.

If you haven't been to the Pancake Pantry, go. Now. And take me with you. Also, if you happen to know a recipe for Wildberry crepes, I want it.

I've got a nice pink Coach purse to add to my collection of frivolous accessories.

Daniel got me onto the Sky Lift, which was probably one of the scariest things I've done in awhile. It might not have been so bad if the thing wasn't so squeaky.

The Aquarium was really neat. I touched a stingray, and I was splashed by a horseshoe crab AND a small shark. The bastards were out to get me. I got a few really great videos with my camera.

I bought a new cell phone yesterday, and it's almost too complicated for me. It's cute, but it's all about customization so I can change EVERYTHING. I've already started taking pictures and stuff with it. I just need to find a place that I can get good ringtnes from. :/

I stayed so busy in Gatlinburg, once I got home I feel like I'm bored out of my mind. I guess Daniel wasn't so silly for going right back to work - I'd almost enjoy being at Walgreens instead of just sitting around at home.

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(...and fade away)

YAY [26 Feb 2006|08:16pm]
I'm being promoted to Senior Pharmacy Tech :D I don't know if I've finally earned it or if Juli just gave in.. but I'll be making more money and that's good enough for me.

-------

Daniel and I went to see Nine Inch Nails in Lexington on Friday night. We both looked really hot and I wore a sexy red and black lingerie/corset type thing since I was sure I wouldn't run into anyone I knew... and of course one of the first people I see is one of my sorority sisters. WTF. I never expected to see her there but it was kinda nice to run into her, I hadn't seen her in awhile.

Daniel ended up ripping my skirt (I'll assume because he was so anxious to get it off of me) but it's an easy mend so I'll forgive him for it. I had a bit too much to drink that night, but hash browns at Waffle House have NEVER tasted so good.

BTW - the sex was AMAZING.

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(...and fade away)

[22 Feb 2006|03:14am]
It's our one year anniversary, and I thought this would be appropriate. I may have more to post later, but this works for now...


Excerpt from : The Notebook

Allie - You arrogant son of a bitch!

Noah - Would you just stay with me?

Allie - Stay with you, what for? Look at us, we're already fighting!

Noah - Well that's what we do, we fight! You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch, and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass! Which you are, 99 percent of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings.. they have like a two second rebound rate and your back doing the next pain in the ass thing!

Allie - So what?

Noah - So its not going to be easy. It's going to be really hard.. and we're going to have to work at this every day. But I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you forever, you and me, every day.

.........................

It is the things in common
that make relationships enjoyable,
but it is the little differences
that make them interesting.
-Todd Ruthman

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(...and fade away)

[22 Feb 2006|12:15am]
Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again

You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything

And how can I
Stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this yeah

You calm the storms
And you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You still my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in
Take me deeper now

And how can I
Stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this

Cause you're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything
Everything

You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything
Everything

And how can I
Stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this


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(1 let it burn | ...and fade away)

[17 Feb 2006|01:19am]
I have so much to update about that it's hard to put it in words. I'll try to sum it up...

+/- I've officially been told to move out
+ I'll be living with my best friend and my amazing boyfriend
+ I'm dozens of steps closer to total independence
+ Our one year anniversary is coming up... I can't believe it
+ I saw the Vagina Monologues again
+ I went to another Grotesque Burlesque show for Valentines Day.. Great show, as always
- I think my cell phone is about to explode
+ Daniel's concert is tomorrow and it's going to be wonderful
+ Gatlinburg is in exactly 3 weeks... I'm entirely too anxious
+ We went on a "real" date tonight and it was great :D
+ I think I'd like to become more involved with local orgs like Actors Theatre or Stage One
+ I've taken some pretty decent pictures lately and with a little time and practice I'll take lots more... Eventually I'll be selling my stuff at St James :D
+ Greenwheel is coming to Louisville and because Terry Harper is amazing, I'm VIP
+ Nine Inch Nails is in one week and I'm getting very anxious
+ I'm getting a haircut tomorrow and I couldn't need it more
- Truby's birthday is Saturday and I don't think I'll get to go
+ Chloe is in the final 3 of Project Runway... the suspense is over
And last but certainly not least...

+++++++ I HAVE MY DRIVERS LICENSE.. Not only am I proud of myself but Daniel is proud of me and that just makes me the happiest woman ever.

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(...and fade away)

[26 Jan 2006|03:14am]
I wanted to post a picture of the necklace that Daniel got me for Christmas, but whenever I'd take a picture of it, my pasty white skin tone would react so boldly against the flash that it would drown out the necklace. So instead, it's here:

http://www.shaneco.com/catalog/ProductDetail.asp?ProductID=12226&PageLevelID=101&bRange=250&tRange=400&fromPage=pendants

It was the best Friday the 13th ever :D

We're planning a trip to Gatlinburg for Spring Break. If you've been there and have any ideas for things to do, let me know. The websites have all sorts of things listed.. and I have no idea where to start.

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[22 Jan 2006|09:51pm]
<td align="center">Leo



Since you are such an attention craver, you are into wearing the sexiest clothes and going straight for the sexiest person in the room. You like secure people who are genuine and have a good fashion sense.
In bed, you like to get all of the attention, so you need a partner who can worship you for the hottie that you are. You like to dance and strip for your partner and you enjoy buying the sexiest lingere for yourself.
Sex matches: Aries, Sagittarius, Libra

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com
</td>


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(1 let it burn | ...and fade away)

Guess what... [13 Jan 2006|11:55pm]
HE LOVES ME!

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(...and fade away)

[01 Jan 2006|09:00pm]
Last night was absolutely wonderful. I had the best midnight kiss ever.

I only wish I could've seen the look on the cleaning person's face when they had to take the handcuffs off the chair in the morning.

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(...and fade away)

[23 Dec 2005|02:06am]
When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Let my love throw a spark
Have a little faith in me

And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try
And have a little faith
Faith in me

Have a little faith in me

When your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
Come here baby, from a whisper
Start to have a little faith in me

And when your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you
You will see
I will catch your fall
Just have a little faith
Faith in me

Have a little faith in me

I've been loving you for such a long, long time
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me

Have a little faith in me

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(...and fade away)

[06 Dec 2005|01:27am]
In the past 72 hours (or so) I have been lucky enough to take part in two of the greatest things that no one should ever live without experiencing. Saturday morning I woke up next to the most adorable sleeping boyfriend ever. He hardly ever fidgets and only snores occasionally, but it's still cute. (Yes, thats possible.) Then, earlier tonight, I shared a shower with the same, aforementioned adorable boyfriend. I'm still searching for the right words to describe it, but in short it was wonderful.

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(1 let it burn | ...and fade away)

[27 Nov 2005|02:48am]
For anyone experiencing difficulty with gift ideas, I have a few suggestions.


Gone With The Wind - Four Disc Collectors Edition - 29.95
Found Here


Jesus Hates the Yankees - @ Busted Tees - 17.99
Found Here


PostSecret: Extraordinary Confessions from Ordinary Lives - Amazon.com - 16.47
Found Here


Found: The Best Lost, Tossed and Forgotten Items from Around the World - Amazon.com
23.70, Found Here

Satin Gothic Corset w/Burgundy Satin - AbsoluteCorsets.com - 329.99 (I HAD to try :D )
Found Here Overbust Corsets -> Satin -> 9th row, 2nd from the left

Lifehouse 'Everything' DVD - Amazon.com - 10.97
Found Here


Harry Potter 'Muggle' T-shirt, Small - 16.95
Found Here

Any of the following Eiffel Tower posters, From 10.99 to 25.99
Street View of La Tour Eiffel; Eiffel Tower Through Gates; Eiffel Tower ; Paris Street circa 1925 ; Night - La Tour Eiffel


Hewlett-Packard Photosmart 5.2MP Digital Camera - M417 - @170.00 I went ahead and talked Mom into buying the camera while it was on sale :D

OR - you can donate to any of these charities on my behalf:

Until.org
Halo Trust - Removing the Debris of War
Adopt A Manatee


YAY FOR PRESENTS!

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(5 let it burn | ...and fade away)

So.. [26 Nov 2005|03:43am]
Two guys are talking about Freudian slips over lunch. One says, "I was at the airport and this beautiful busty blonde is at the counter. I accidentally said 'Give me two tickets to Titsburgh.'" The other says, "Yeah, I was having breakfast with my wife this morning and instead of saying 'Pass me the salt,' I said, 'Bitch you ruined my life.'"

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(2 let it burn | ...and fade away)

[24 Nov 2005|02:01pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

The last few days have been, easily, the best days I've had in awhile. Monday, after work, Daniel picked me up and we went to see a sneak preview of 'Just Friends.' While, quite frankly, the movie made my stomach turn, I always love spending time with Daniel and being able to see him made it worth it. After the movie he took me home, and of course we had to sit there for an hour and talk (it's becoming quite standard.) I'm going to try to help him get out of that house as best I can. If that means going with him, then so be it. Tuesday morning (after Daniel had been out all morning searching for an Xbox 360) he took me to breakfast and we went to EBGames as a last resort for an Xbox. It was absolutely wonderful. We held hands and hugged and kissed just like we did before. (And ironically enough, it was the day of what would have been our 9 month anniversary.) So, we're back together after exactly one month of... I don't want to say seperation, because we still talked and went out.. so I don't know what it was, honestly.

I went to work yesterday, already anticipating Daniel coming over since he had to work until midnight. I made a lot of preparations - massage oil, candles, playlists :) I was running my ass off to get myself ready and my room clean but it was worth it. He thought it was very sweet, and there's no better reward than a full body massage. He's so good to me :)

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(2 let it burn | ...and fade away)

[21 Nov 2005|12:52am]
I just saw this, and I thought it was hilarious.


"Another problem in America? Gay marriage.. Gays can't marry because marriage is a sacred institution. A sacred institution that happens in the church. Marriage isn't sacred in America. We watch shows like 'Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire,' 'The Bachelor,' 'The Bachelorette,' 'Who Wants to Marry A Midget..' Marriage, sacred? Get the fuck out of here. Gay people have a right to be just as miserable as everybody else.... Michael Jackson got married, how fucking sacred is that shit?"

-Chris Rock

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(...and fade away)

[11 Nov 2005|12:46pm]
The lights came on fast
Lost in motorcrash
Gone in flash, unreal
But you knew all along...

..I saw you there
You were on your way
You held the rain

And for the first time
Heaven seemed insane
Because Heaven is to blame
For taking you away..



I miss my Dad a lot lately. I don't know why, I usually don't feel like this unless it's June or Christmastime. I know things would be so much different if he were still alive. It hurts a lot to know that, while I look a lot like my Mom, I've grown to be a copy of my Dad's personality. I know that has to hurt my Mom to have to look at me every day and know how similar we are. I hate that I feel like I can't talk to my Mom about Dad because I know it only makes her more upset - and I'm doing enough upsetting these days.

I feel so fucking cheated to have the one parent that actually loved me ripped away from me. Regardless of how often he was actually home or how much I saw him, atleast he made me feel like he loved his daughter.

She only makes me feel like an inconvenience. I don't deserve that. No one does.

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(...and fade away)

[27 Oct 2005|12:34pm]
I've been driving more, lately. I guess that's a good thing. I know I need to drive, I'm just scared of what will happen if I'm upset and behind a wheel.

I'm going to try to put on a happy face for the evening, and go out with Jenna to SAEs Halloween Party. I don't know what to expect, but hopefully I'll be able to have fun.

I guess since I'm going out tonight I'll be headed out of town tomorrow to Glasgow. This is the last thing I want to do, but Mom won't stop whining.

Speaking of Mom, she's been surprisingly supportive. I think she sees how broken up I am and she can relate to that, being hung up on a guy for a long time who felt nothing for her. She keeps asking me to talk about it, but I don't want to.

I've had a lot of time to think about why this happened, and I feel like I've been lied to IMMENSLY. I was told that he needed to get some things straightened out with himself. That's fine and all, but when you tell someone that you 'would fall apart without their support' or that I was the only bright spot in your life -- if you're trying to make things better, YOU DON'T GET RID OF WHAT (YOU SAY) MAKES YOU HAPPY. THAT'S FUCKING STUPID. Hence, why I feel like this is all bullshit. I don't think he broke up with me so that he can 'get things straightened out with himself.'

I feel like I've been put in the same situation he was in when someone left him to 'find her faith.' Faith happens to also go by the name of 'Shane.' I would've thought that anyone who'd been burned as much as he had would've had the decency to not bullshit me like this, but apparently a lot of the things I thought I knew were wrong.

I'm also completely torn by missing him and resenting him. I want to be understanding that he was stretched too thin and that he needs to get some things sorted out, but I... I don't know. I don't know what the fuck to think anymore.

I still have a lot I'd like to say about the matter, but I dont' have the time nor desire to go into it now.

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(...and fade away)

[25 Oct 2005|11:16pm]
A guy got hit by a car in front of my pharmacy today, and I couldn't help but envy him. I would've jumped on the chance to take his place beneath those tires.

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(1 let it burn | ...and fade away)

I have a small announcement.. [16 Oct 2005|02:44am]
I FINALLY FINISHED THE SIXTH HARRY POTTER BOOK!

Of course I was upset after reading about the death of Dumbledore, but I'm glad that Harry is stepping up. It seems that not long ago he was a wretched little snot and now he's turning into a real grown-up hero. The last book will definitely been very bittersweet, but I'm excited nonetheless. -AND I'm excited about GoF on the 18th! I'll be at the midnight showing, bitches!

----------

In other news - I saw 'Elizabethtown,' twice actually, in the last two nights. I love Cameron Crowe anyway, but I didn't think I'd like the movie as much as I did. I was at the brink of tears during several parts of the movie... Once during the parts where they were showing Louisville, believe it or not; For some reason there are 'Kentucky' things I always cry at: the song 'Somewhere Out There' during Thunder Over Louisville, and the video montages shown during the Kentucky Derby. (Especially during one of those 'Making of Champions' videos they show at the Derby museum, it gets me EVERY DAMN TIME.)

Regardless, there are just parts of the movie that really hit home. Not just losing a father or facing failure and wanting to kill yourself; but that moment that hits you when you realize what's gone is truly GONE and cannot be brought back. The "deep, beautiful melancholy' of the situation, per se. I can also very much relate to being depressed and loathsome, and being rescued by someone who radiates such happiness that it gives you a reason to put the knife away. Other than that, the soundtrack is fucking ridiculously amazing.

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(1 let it burn | ...and fade away)

[12 Oct 2005|12:02am]
Ok so I took this little test and it said I was "Limbic." I wasn't familiar with the term but I looked at their definition of it and I think I'm being spied on.

Limbic

easily hurt, does not keep emotions under control, envious, quick tempered, can't do anything when they don't feel good, emotional, bitter, attracted to things associated with sadness, has love/hate relationships with most things, sabotages self, more doubt than belief, thinks the world is a dangerous place, searches for identity, fears having no identity, suspicious of others, more past than future, desires security and support, fears being without guidance, familiar with the role of victim, hypersensitive, defensive, dependent on the support and nurturance of others, more feeling than doing, dislikes change, more likely to want a tattoo, can be hurtful, prefers to stick with things they know, wants to feel loved, fears being unwanted or unworthy of love, wants to enhance their self esteem, more likely to have taken anti depressants, prefers instant gratification, has trouble speaking when emotional


...It also said my Sloan type was RLOEI which I hadn't heard of either, and while this was a little less accurate there's a lot of things that are true:

RLOEI

withdrawn, loner, moody, dislikes crowds, avoidant, not big on fun, socially unskilled, not that interested in others, overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings frequently, depressed, requires lots of time alone to recharge, socially awkward, hard to get to know, feels defective, averse to change, low self confidence, dislikes small talk, dislikes touchy feely types, private, not prone to complimenting others, driven by own personal gain, pessimistic, self absorbed, indifferent to the feelings of others, does not easily forgive, inflexible, skeptical, embarrassed easily, tense, lower energy level, attracted to things associated with sadness, very suspicious of others, does not believe in human goodness, interested in intellectual pursuits, does not put the welfare of others ahead of self, lonely, not known for generosity, unadventurous, doubting, quick to judge others, discontent, hard to understand, wounded at the core, believes in a logical answer for everything, worrying, uncooperative, agnostic/atheist tendencies, has anxiety, not physically affectionate with most people, feels second place is not good enough, frustrated when people don't live up to expectations


#################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### ####################################################
Your personality type is RLOEI
You are moderately reserved, moody, organized, egocentric, and moderately intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.

The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Albuquerque/Santa Fe, Providence, Richmond, Norfolk, Tucson, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Salt Lake City, Minneapolis area, Denver, New York City, Houston and these international countries/regions Brazil, Slovenia, Argentina, Israel, Portugal, Romania, Croatia, Austria, Denmark, Germany, Finland, Puerto Rico, France, Italy, Belgium, Philippines

What Places In The World Match Your Personality?
City Reviews at CityCulture.org


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(...and fade away)

[09 Oct 2005|11:34pm]
I found these and had to put them somewhere...

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I
figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his
wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and
wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?"


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She
directs
him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for
your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she.


THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she
would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

__________________________________________________

(...and fade away)

[09 Oct 2005|12:21am]
I went tailgating for the first time today. I had fun considering I had alcohol and a lot of cute dogs running around, but I think I could definitely do without the hike to the stadium. I should set up some sort of shuttle for when I go tailgating again. The game was good, albeit predictable, once we were up 30+ I think we just started being obnoxious. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for U of L winning, but this was more like a massacre.

I'm still very much upset about Boston's performance in the playoffs. I understand that Chicago hasn't had much luck in quite some time either, but I'm still a little biased here. Oh well. Maybe next season will be better.

The trip I had my heart set on didn't go as planned, unfortunately. I've only been on one real vacation before, so I was really excited to finally get out of Louisville, even if just for a day or two. (Aside from FINALLY getting to go to Cedar Point, which I've been wanting to do for years.) So of course I'm disappointed about that, too. I've got all this time off from work (until Tuesday) so I'm thinking I should've held off on building my desk until tomorrow - then atleast I'd feel productive.

Last night I finished my desk earlier than expected and Jenna called and needed to go out and do something, so we went and saw a movie, Tim Burton's Corpse Bride (Now, I can explain this - Jenna was late (SURPRISE!) so we missed the start time for Waiting, and this was the next closest thing.) The movie itself wasn't exactly my idea of an award winning film, but I'll always be a sucker for the animation. I have a lot of respect for people who devote their lives to that sort of art.

After the movie, Jenna came back to the apartment to hang out and Daniel came over after he got off work... midnight rolls around and Mom finally gets home from work, and she's hungry. Jenna heads home but Mom coerces Daniel and I to go to Ramsi's with her. (Now, I'm already a little on edge because Daniel keeps reminding me how upset he is that I built the desk on my own, instead of letting him do it. This is a whole other story in and of itself.) Anyway, we head to Ramsi's and Daniel proceeds to tell my mother, basically, everything I've kept from her. Mom made a big deal about Ohio because she's overprotective and gives the excuse that "she's not comfortable with me leaving the state" - DESPITE THE FACT THAT I WENT TO FLORIDA TWO SUMMERS AGO WITH MY EX, YOU DUMB SLUT. Therefore reiterating my point that she's an idiot. So I didn't say anything, I just continue to let her think that she's completely ruined my trip with her idiocy - and Daniel tells her we're not going because he didn't have the money. So, already, my night is going very well. I didn't want her to know that we canceled the trip for financial reasons, because that would just make her feel like she was justified in her protest against the trip in the first place.

And of course after Mom eats and we leave, my stomach starts acting up again and makes me feel worse. (Which of course carried on today, because it just CANT leave me alone in a situations where I'm not at home for most of the day.) I have no idea what's causing these issues (I've ruled out a number of things) but I wish it would stop. It's keeping me in a ridiculously bad mood that is only being perpetuated by my mother and my job, and I'm coming off as a bigger bitch than usual and I don't think that's very charming :/

I've yet to post about mine and Daniel's trip to see the Grotesque Burlesque last friday, but it was very very good. I hadn't ever been to Main Street Lounge (and I think it was Daniel's first time as well) and I loved it. The atmosphere was very comfortable for me, being a goth kid at heart, and the Burlesque show just amplified it all. I thought I looked pretty damn good (I even pulled out the dark red lipstick!) and I'll post pics once I get Daniel to scan some for me.

In other news: I thought I would miss you, if even just a little bit, but I'm more bitter about the situation than anything. I know it's hard for us to hang out, but for you to completely disappear with the slightest disregard is really upsetting.

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(...and fade away)

[30 Sep 2005|04:25pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from the mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

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(...and fade away)

[26 Sep 2005|09:59am]
My horoscope for today:

Hidden feelings build until you cannot stand it any longer. Once you make up your mind, you are prepared to go the distance. Approach your secret with reverence. Start talking about it slowly and wait for the other person to ask questions in order to bring it out. If they aren't curious, maybe they don't need to know today.



On a sidenote... I cried because it was the only way to express the words that I couldn't let out of my mouth.

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(1 let it burn | ...and fade away)

[10 Sep 2005|02:29pm]
I absolutely love going out with Daniel. I get to doll up a little bit and go socialize, AND I get more special Daniel time when we get home. I had a lot of drama with Mom yesterday so I deserved to go out and have a few drinks. She called about 2:10ish while Daniel, Shane and I were at Qdoba eating lunch, saying that someone at her store had called in and she wanted me to come help. I wouldn't have so much minded to go help, but I was in a tank top and a skirt - and I had no way out there; Daniel and Shane both had to be at U of L for a meeting at 3:00. There was no way they could get me home to change, and out to Westport Rd and back in 40 minutes. So I explain to her that it's impossible, and of course she's upset with me (which makes so much sense, obviously)

So Daniel brings me home and I piddle around waiting for 5-5:30 to slip around - Jenna and I were to go shopping. Jenna doesnt get to my house until a little after six (which KILLS me, I hate late people, but by now I should expect it from Jenna.) So we finally get out to the mall, and I have to show her Von Maur's clearance shoe room. EVERY woman deserves to experience the Clearance Room at Von Maur. It's just wonderful.

However - Mom calls not even 5 minutes after we walk into the place, and she's practically begging me to come in. She starts whining and going on about how she hasn't had a lot of sleep.. The WHOLE conversation was actually so ridiculous that only bits and pieces make sense to me. I tell her that I can't come work because me and Jenna had just gotten to the mall and how I had to find shoes for my brown dress; and because it's my DAY OFF. When you work full time and you get only two days off a week, you'd prefer to spend them with friends or relaxing, AND NOT AT ANOTHER FUCKING WALGREENS. I told her that I had plans tonight and how it's just not fair for her to call me and get upset that I can't drop everything to go help at a store that she does nothing but complain about. (I'm sorry if I don't jump on the opportunity to work with all these whiny bitches and snobbish customers she talks about) She asks me what plans I have and automatically jumps on that and tells me "You're not going out tonight, you've been out all day" WTF. I was out for ONE HOUR for lunch, and I had sat home from 2:50 until 6:00 waiting on Jenna. Once I explain that to her, she still gets all pissed and says "Well I think you're getting in too much of a habit of being off work and going out" YEAH, SHE SAID THAT. I could not believe such moronic things were coming out of my mothers mouth - OF COURSE I'M GOING TO MAKE PLANS TO BE OUT ON MY DAY OFF, YOU IDIOT. All I do throughout the whole week is work at Walgreens and sit at home, I'm 21 years old and that's what 21 year olds do - they go out and socialize with their friends. But try explaining that to her.

So of course I shoot down every little comment she makes and she gets even more mad, and she hangs up on me. (Which is the best part, because when her and her mother argue over the phone, Nana will hang up on her and Mom gets mad and upset that she would act so childish, and then she does the same damned thing) So of course I have to poke fun at that and I call her back and she just starts screaming at me, and hangs up again. I call her back. She answered, of course, and I told her that she shouldn't act so childish and hang up on people. I know that didn't help the situation, but I HAD to call her out on it.

Jenna and I did a little more shopping, I bought a $14 pair of Sketchers low-ankle boots from the Clearance Room and I LOVE them. After that we stopped in American Eagle so that I could find the "Very Kissable" shirt that I wanted... I wanted to buy some destroyed jeans from there but I just didn't have it in my heart to pay $70 for jeans right now. I'd rather have that money now to go to the Cheesecake Factory tonight :D I found the shirt and I bought Daniel some new boxers and some necklace thing with charms that they had for Katrina victms. Jenna and I headed out (but not before we went into the beanery for a smoothie, and I accidently barked (maybe not BARKED, but definitely growled) at some old lady for cutting infront of us. We headed out and headed towards The Summit - Jenna hadn't been out there yet and wanted an application. I didn't have it in my heart to be out in that area and not call Mom to see if she still needed my help.. I was in jeans and a t-shirt but if they were as desperate as she acted like they were, it wouldn't matter. So we got the application and Jenna dropped me off at the Walgreens, and I went in (in my new Sketchers instead of my flip flops, I figured I shouldn't violate EVERY dress code in one visit) in my Phi Tau shirt and jeans; and that's easily the only thing I like about Westport Rd - when they call me they're so desperate for help that I can wear whatever I want.

I walk in there expecting it to be a damned madhouse, and I think we had not even 10 customers from 8:00 until 10:00. They needed help filling, granted, but that's not something to freak out about. The earliest prescriptions I filled were due at 10:00am on Saturday. Her calling and bitching at me to come in was COMPLETELY UNJUSTIFIED.

So I put in my 2 hours of "saving" these people and Mom and I left to go home. I didn't say one word to her unless she directly asked me a question, and even then I stuck to one or two words. Her behaviour throughout the day was just so disgusting to me - I have no idea how I can be related to this woman. Just as we approach the Crittenden Dr exit, she asks what I had planned tonight and proceeds to crack and tells me that I can go out. (Obviously as a 21 year old I don't have to have her permission, but it saves me a lot of grief if she's ok with it.)

I dragged Jenna out with us (which was a challenge in and of itself, she waited until we got to Baxter Ave. to tell us that she had forgotten her ID... but thankfully Daniel didn't just tell her to sit in the Jeep while we went out lol) I'm glad I brought her, she ended up running into Joe - this guy who she's convinced is the love of her life and thought she was stupid for falling for him, thinking she'd never see him again. Before he left last night he invited her to come to St Louis to visit - so hopefully the little reunion will get things going for their relationship.

There were a lot of U of L people there... and of course when I'm out and I run into people I know I hug them, and I was a little upset that Shane couldn't even hug me because of his overprotective whore of a girlfriend, but other than that, I had a decent night. And it got MUCH better once Daniel and I got home :D

On another note - it's top of the 6th and the Red Sox are basically raping the Yankees, 8-1. It's gonna be a good day.
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(...and fade away)

I always hated math... [04 Sep 2005|02:22am]
[ mood | restless ]

- Being so tired you can't sleep
- Working 7 days in a row, 9 hours per day and most of the time not getting to take my lunch break
- Daniel's Mom
- Putting up 18 totes of warehouse in less than 2 hours by myself
+ Getting the acknowledgement I deserved for it
+ Going to church with Daniel
- With his Dad
- The football game situation with Donald - I'm all for spontanaeity but this is RIDICULOUS
+ All doubts I had about Daniel and his feeling towards me have been dispelled
+ He's been exceptionally sweet lately
+ Being shown off
+ Getting really sweet kisses in front of other girls :D
+ Getting kitty cat posters from Paul for my birthday
- Not having the slighest clue where to put another poster
- Remington is missing
+ Jenna's object of desire is safe and sound and out of Biloxi
- Hurricanes in general
+/- Not being able to watch much Katrina media coverage between work & sleep
- Taking FOREVER to get through Book 6

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(...and fade away)

[19 Aug 2005|12:02am]
I got a phonecall from my baby just before 11:00 that he was in Cincinatti and on his way home... He said one of his backpacks were stolen, along with his mp3 player, digital camera, and cell phone inside, which sucks a lot. Hopefully I'll be able to help him replace some of it, eventually.

He said he missed my voice, and I melted into a puddle on the floor.



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